The dark side of transformation
Written by Tribe Leader, Bec Horne.
Growing into the best person you can be is not an easy path. In fact it can be downright hard and lonely. Learning to live with the rawness of feelings that have been numbed since forever. Numbed by reality TV. Numbed by social media. By food or alcohol. In a world of instant gratification, the possibilities for numbness are endless.
Not so long ago I decided to say no to numbness. I wanted to feel the ebb and flow of joy and pain by living my life awake. Living awake to my deepest desires and fears. Feeling, acknowledging and wanting. This has taken some work. Unlearning behaviours that become habit. Opening my heart to new possibilities and learning from souls who have walked down this well-trodden path before.
The burning light on my path to being awake has come from Danielle La Porte. I felt she spoke to my soul when she used the analogy of transformation a caterpillar must undergo to become a butterfly. In the chrysalis, the caterpillar becomes like soup. The caterpillar becomes unrecognizable in the liquid of change. No shape or shadow of how it used to be remain. In its place, the pain and terror of darkness. I feel you caterpillar. I am you.
Chrysalis means golden home. I take comfort knowing I am surrounded by a golden home. A tiny crack of light shines into the dark soup. The unravelling and shedding of what no longer serves you. The struggle for beauty and fragility against the darkness is your journey alone.
I am still in the soup. There have been shards of light that enter my golden home. The deep knowing that I am exactly where I need to be. I listen to my inner knowing. She whispers, “Everything is OK. You will be OK. Your wings are growing even though you don’t know it”.
From the outside the chrysalis looks the same. On the inside, the unrecognizable storm of growth brings loss and renewal to every cell. Hang on my butterfly. Your wings can fly. Believe. Believe she whispers back.