Outsourcing a soul download.

July 16th, 2014 | 1 comment

Written by Beck Horne, Tribe Leader

Safe place to download

So I was having a bad day. I bumped my head really hard on a kitchen cupboard door. The eggs never made it to the pan, instead ending up scrambled on the floor. The fire refused to warm the living room and went out each and every time I turned my back to begin another boring Thursday morning chore. Cold house. Messy kitchen. Sore head. Poor me.

I was ready to throw myself an almighty pity party when at 10 o’clock Mr H walked in the door unexpectedly (he’s at work these days from sun up til well past sundown) with a raised eyebrow and mischief in his eyes. He’s thinking, ‘The kids are at school and I fancy a bit of action…yeaaahh baby!!!’ I could see it in the spring in his step. I’m thinking, ‘You have GOT to be joking. Uh-uh. No way dude. That ain’t happening!’

Then I burst out crying. “This mundane joke of staying at home, cleaning up after you lot, cooking endless meals, washing piles of clothes I can’t even jump over. I’m sick of it!” I said. “I’m the household dogsbody and no one appreciates me! I’m bored out of my skull with it all”.

I saw a mixture of disappointment and annoyance wash over his face. This was SO not the reception he was hoping for. “Well go and get a job then” was his extremely helpful reply. SO not the answer I was hoping for. For me, the floodgates had opened. I had some deep seated frustrations I needed to air. Once I’d begun, there was no stopping the download.

When I have one of my downloads, all I desperately want is to be heard. To be acknowledged that it’s ok to feel that way. Instead, along comes Mr Fix-it with an answer for all the downloaded frustrations ranging from get a job, hire a cleaner, suck it up, to just be bloody grateful for what you’ve got. First world problems and all that.

As I’m listening to his masculine energy that involves problem solving, logic and rational thought, I think about the day ahead. Then I remember what’s planned for the evening. Maybe this particular Thursday is not such a dud after all. Tonight is my favourite thing I do for me. A WAM (What About Me) dinner. Women coming together to talk about what is going on in our lives. What we’re struggling with. Our deep desires and dreams. A space where we can be heard without being fixed.

We finish talking. He goes back to work. I don’t get my soul nourished. He doesn’t get his shag. Marriage is like that. Sometimes we meet each other’s needs. Other times we don’t. What I do know for sure, I can always count on a WAM dinner for soul care.

That night I download to the girls, feeling vulnerable but ok with that. I know that being vulnerable creates deep connections. They listen. No one offers a solution. Just nods of understanding. The girl next to be squeezes my arm. The beautiful face opposite smiles and I feel my eyes get prickly. From now there are certain downloads I’m outsourcing to the tribe. I come home from the WAM dinner feeling renewed. My cup has been filled to overflowing. Now I’m the one with mischief in my eyes. A spring in my step. Yeeeaahhh baby!!

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